dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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