I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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