so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
