Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
