Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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