Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
