If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
