birth control should be required to get into college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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