he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
