Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
