Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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