Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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