Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
