don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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