sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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