So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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