addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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