It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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