I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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