We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your penis caused this!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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