if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
