I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
