I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
