she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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