I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
