i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
PANTIES FOUND
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