Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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