I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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