Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
