I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize