Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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