i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
