Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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