Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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