i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
