i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize