it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she woke up with a sticky ear
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
