Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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