Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
