that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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