i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
