So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
