I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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