I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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