just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
