If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
