Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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