I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
