Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
