I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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