last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
