so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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