At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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