Porn is love you can see.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
