I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
