Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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